The Coaching in Science Initiative
Processing Emotions
“Naming, acknowledging, allowing and accepting all our emotions is how we process and move through them”
Emotions and our experiences of them are valuable pieces of biological information that have helped humans during our evolution to survive and collaborate in groups. It is part of our biology, and learning ways to process this type of bodily information is essential for our well-being and executive functioning. The human brain likes to put things into different categories; this saves the brain energy when we operate in auto-pilot mode, which is not a bad thing but a brain feature we need to be aware of and reflect upon. While running our brain on auto-pilot saves energy and makes us efficient in handling everyday life, it can also trap us in harmful behavior patterns. Thus, taking a step back every now and then, examining our 'auto-pilot' mode, and debugging our programming (i.e., thought processes and unconscious behavior) is necessary for our well-being. To make our own auto-pilot program run efficiently when it comes to processing emotions, we need to create a categorical framework for our brain to work with. We do this by experiencing our feelings and emotions, leaning into them, and labeling them with words. E.g., I experience tension and pressure in my chest - label: Anxiety. I experience tension in my shoulders and a sense of urgency in my chest - label: Stress.
By naming the feeling and emotion, we acknowledge it for being, and we focus on what we are actually experiencing and where in the body the feeling is present. We are capable of experiencing many different feelings at the same time, and increasing our emotional vocabulary by naming and describing them increases our emotional intelligence. This is essential skill building for cultivating compassion and empathy for ourselves and towards others. Allowing the emotion to be, without rushing it, is part of processing an emotion. Similar to a wave on top of the water, we do not deny or fight its existence. Instead, we accept it as it is, naming the characteristics of it - big wave, small wave, foamy wave, etc. Once emotions have been acknowledged, allowed, and accepted, we can choose to start letting them go slowly - if we want to. Processing emotions is much like being a surfer, riding on top of the emotional wave, watching the wave crest, and then experiencing the diminishing of the wave until the water is again calm.
Self-acceptance exercise
To help process emotions, especially uncomfortable ones, it is very helpful to physically place a hand on the part of the body that experiences the discomfort most intensely and gently press down. Then, the exercise is designed to face the emotion and to start letting it go.
We might need to repeat this a few times to reduce the intensity of the emotion. What we do here is to name the emotion; we focus on it with our full bodily attention, and we acknowledge, allow, and accept the existence of this experience.
When we breathe, and the out-breath is longer than the in-breath, we mechanically shift our autonomic nervous system towards the “rest-and-digest” processes and way from the "fight-or-flight" processes.
We also use the words “I choose” when processing and letting go of an emotion or feeling. Because if we instead state that “I let go of [the emotion]”, that implies that it will be gone after we make the statement. But we may still feel it even if the intensity is lessened. Then we will know that the emotion is still there to some extent, and the statement that “I let go of [the emotion]” feels false or illogical. This is called ‘cognitive dissonance’, when we try to hold two opposing beliefs at the same time, which causes feelings of resistance and discomfort. In this exercise, we want to avoid that and instead calm our body down while still facing the reality of the emotion.
Tap and Breath
Sometimes, we become overwhelmed with emotions. Then, a straightforward Tap and Breath exercise is helpful to process the experience. Practice slow breaths, where you shortly pause after the in-breath, then breathe out at a slower pace. While breathing, tap repeatedly with your fingers on your chest area. Start noticing the depths of your breathing. Move towards taking deep breaths by filling your stomach with air before you fill your lungs. Start noticing the pace of your tapping and adjust it to what feels good; maybe you need to start at a fast pace and then slow down once you feel calmer. Continue to focus your entire attention on how and where the feeling is experienced in the body. This will keep your brain focused on bodily sensations and away from thoughts that usually feed new energy and strengthen the intensity of the emotion.
Tapping with a script
Another exercise to calm down your nervous system while still facing uncomfortable emotions using tapping includes multiple tapping points and a script. In the image, you can see all the common tapping points on the upper body. Tap them using your index and middle finger; tapping should be gentle and firm, not painful. You then repeat the script for each tapping point, creating a phrase specific to your current situation to focus your attention. You can think or speak the phrase to keep your focus. This creates a new experience for our nervous system. If we often feel anxious in certain situations, we can work with tapping to describe what makes us anxious while we tap. This helps our body and mind experience the situation more calmly. E.g., if we have a fear of public speaking, we can work on this by recalling such an event while tapping. The mind and body will then, over time, start to associate the public speaking experience with the calming sensations tapping produces instead. It is like we are deliberately re-programming our brains!
Thought driven emotional decoupling
Counting backward engages our prefrontal cortex, the part of our brain that allows us to perform complex decision-making and emotional regulation. Thus, the simple action of counting backward re-routes attention and resources towards the part of our brain that performs emotional regulation and away from the part of our brain that is involved in the emotional response/reaction. This can be particularly useful in managing strong negative emotions, such as anger or anxiety.
Engaging in tasks that require cognitive effort and attention can have a similar effect on reducing emotional intensity, regardless of whether the task involves counting backward or performing other activities that require mental focus. The specific task or activity you choose may depend on your personal preferences and what you find most effective for calming yourself in emotional situations. The goal is to engage in a mentally demanding task that diverts your attention away from the emotional trigger and helps you regain control over your emotional responses.
Hand warming for relaxation
Processing our emotions also includes the relaxation of the body's muscles. But sometimes, it can be challenging to relax specific muscle groups, in particular, if we have been tense for some time without noticing it. To get back in touch with the feelings of our muscles and start to relax, the sensation of warmth can be very useful.
A short exercise is to quickly rub our hands together to produce heat and then gently press our hands towards the muscle parts we want to relax. By repeating this process and keeping our attention on the transfer of warmth from our hands seeping into our tense muscles, we can notice when we slowly start to relax and let go of the built-up tension.